(Reflection of Christopher Russo, Assistant Superintendent in Portland and Reynolds and currently the Director of the American School of Asuncion, Paraguay.)
Often I find myself reflecting upon the various conversations that I have, the nuance, the subtly, the directness, or the emotion/joy/conflict that can sometimes be threaded between the words. I know some people shy away from the them--a conversation may reveal too much, or too little, may frustrate or leave wanting. I guess I can see where individuals may be reluctant to engage as conversations could imply a certain level of vulnerability.
My oldest (a teen now) with whom I am honing my parental skills of communication.
In general, though, to listen first and speak later has worked for me as a norm though it's not always intuitive.
But when I am in those conversations where listening has unlocked a door, especially those conversations which aren't more one-sided, I like to lean in--walk in "through the door." Sometimes with leaning in, there's conflict or emotion, or perhaps unnoticed joy or appreciation. It goes both ways. Although it can be uncomfortable at times, and yes, sometimes words can hurt—often protective veneers can be cast aside to get down to the "real."
That evolution of conversation should of course have equal impact with both or all involved. With that persistence (or perhaps better stated 'genuine interest') one can see more clearly regarding personality and disposition and as result, to the benefit of the relationship, judge less thus moving the relationship forward.
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